Sunday, July 16, 2017

The Peculiar Gambler

                   The Peculiar Gambler.
                     by : Tanoko Prawira

     college life almost over, nah kidding it takes another 2 semesters until my graduation (if i don't do some stupid things that maybe ruining my 4years college time)  Some things popped on my head, what is it like when you're gonna free falling into the real life. Is it hard? or is it easier than college Bullshit. Honestly, as long as i lived until now, there's so much gambling on my life for example : when i got accepted on University, back then i don't even know what major i should choose, but i had a chance to choose my current major, i took it...and i got it, i don't know people usually said that i was lucky, or maybe i could read the situation on a quick response. Just like the time when i told Imel (it's what she wanted to called by me) that i love her, it's a totally biggest gambling on my life because for the last two weeks, she was drifting away from me. The thing is, i'm getting older...geez man, can at least i stop growing up? because i do like my teenage life, being an adult makes me worried.
"what if i can't find a job?"
"what if i can't have a vacation?"
"what happen if the workplace isn't a good place for me?"
well, i don't like sitting in a front of computer desk, for a long time typing something. While There's so much things i could do on the outside. All of My closest friend told me that being a journalist is a good job for me, especially those kind of journalist that walkin' everywhere to find some news. But my body has it own limits, right?
being a musician? it's good if my bands getting famous, but can someone guarantee that my band will always be known by people? i don't think so.And my parents always said that don't even find your living by your hobby, because in the end you'll hate your own hobby. maybe they're right.  So in order for being an organized man, i make some planning on my life. The things i liked besides music, is food and all kinds of soda. Maybe i'll find a job on soda company, because somehow i felt that it's a nice work for me, getting involved on soda's brewing. and i don't like being a librarian, even it's my current major. gonna work my ass up, on that company, when i'm getting much money, i'll open my own business. such as record label, or my own brand of food, then getting married with someone i love, and live happy for the rest of my life.
someone said to me that it's better to have a small business than worked on big company for a long time, because when you have your own business, you're the boss no matter how bad the business is, you know what? those person know already had his own house because he's a hard-working businessman. I'm a simple man, gambling is one of my favorite stuff to do, and i have my own American dream, i want to make my parents proud, and my enemies jealous. And my biggest desire is, i wanna make my bunny happy, and treat her right, showing her that she's really special on my eyes. because that's the fact. Maybe i used to be a jerk back then, or even a spoiled kid. but life taught me many things. I know what is the real definition of "sense of belonging" when i started to buy many stuff by myself and i'm grateful for her presence, because   second chance may not be appear twice. I hope she's not gonna leave me, or disappointing me, because something on her makes me falling in love again and again Everytime i looked her in the eyes. I just wanna take care of her on the right way. protect her with all my fist. Cause Anyone who's messing my girl is messing with me too. and, make her smile everyday. God always have a plan for me, but in the meantime, I'll make every moment with her memorable and special. Because, I really appreciated all of my time with her and i promise d that i'm not going anywhere, cause no matter hard the situation i'll choose to stay, i wanna do barbecue on my backyard with you, i wanna touch your hair smoothly, i wanna laugh with you, i wanna watching TV with you until you sleep on my shoulder, i wanna fight for you.  There's always a gambling on my life, but i don't like gamble my own feelings. And my feelings is real for you, my dearest bunny. God knows i loved her. and i hope she knows it too.

with love and your hair scent on my nose


Monday, June 19, 2017

Dizzy on the Comedown

                        Dizzy on the Comedown
                            by : Tanoko Prawira

There's several things that changed my whole live. My life maybe never be the same anymore if she walk away from my life, and i really mean it. Do you know how does it feels when your life felt so black and there's nothing to live anymore because you thought that you're already empty? i've been there before, when it happened to me i don't know what the hell i should do. But everything was changed when she walked into my life. Her smile makes my eyes glances again, i'm not over romantizing  something, but that's the fact. She let me in and i let her in, since that i knew that i still got a purpose to live my life, i have something to fight for, and it was my own happiness. i can feel my heartbeat again when she hugged me and whispered "I love you weirdo" and all those kisses that landed on my face. It's like landed on my favorite planet. And there's no reason why i should forsake god. Because god was so nice to me for letting me met her and getting know about her. The thing is, she's so special. I don't know what is the true definition of "Love" back then, and i got it now, for me, it's about two people supporting each other and giving their own affection in order to make both of them comfortable and happy. I'm happy with you, Mel. I really do, cause i could be myself when i'm with you, and that's the things i never found before. and about the hugs and kisses that you gave me, it makes the smile on my face getting wider everyday. Especially the first time we kissed, that's the moment i won't forget for my entire life. i can forget about something easily, but there's nothing i forget about you since the first time we met. I made a promise for myself, if someday she leave or someday we have to choose our own journey, there's always special place on my heart for her. She'll always be my bunny. there's some things i scared about, i'm afraid that i can't give her all the times she need with me, and i do afraid if someday there's a disappointment from myself to her. But in order to make things better i shouldn't think about that, instead i have to concentrate on my main mission, which is : To make her happy and comfortable with me. And i got rights for my own happiness, right? people said that happiness is real when you shared it with someone else, well they're right, thanks for making me human again, and thanks for coloring my whole life again, bunny :)
there's a bunch of things that i always missed from you, just like the way you played my hair, the way you hugged me, the way you see my eyes, the way you kissed my cheeks, the way you holds my hands, and the way you makes me calm.
I want to love you in a simple way, but with all my heart that goes by the time, and last longer than the lit of cigarette. You're always on my mind... you're on my dreams, you're so special on my eyes. I don't believe on romantic movie or novels, but i do believe that there's always a rainbow after the heavy rain. If you don't mind, let me take you on my adventure....where we can dancing under the moonlight without any doubts, and hold my trembling hands, you can follow my lead cause i know a place that can makes me calm, it was called "your hug" and allow me to protect you, and loving you through the finest hour of my life. so grateful that you walked besides me, a lover that can be my Bestfriend, a teacher, my moodbooster, my shelter when my spaceship broken, my kind of maple syrup for my pancake, and of course the chocolate on my life, and i promise I'll fight any obstacles for you, forever and always, I'll be your Mr.Weirdo :)

I love you, Imel.


Friday, May 26, 2017

The Natural Banana Milk

                       by : Tanoko prawira 

"So, he smoked his cigarette, just to make sure that she's answering her questions, and without hesitation, Spock was relieved when she's smiled at him too" -The Ballad of Spock the musician wannabe- (my next short story, release on the end of November 2017)

There's something i don't understand about this cruel world.
1.How could people easily changed their mind?
2.How could i make people that i loved, happy?

the first thing is, yeah how could people easily changed their mind? remember that i told you that at some point i don't wanna fall in love again, because i'm too sick with my entire life. but, it changed, she changed it, she made me feel about the idea of love (again)
i know, my reputation isn't quite good enough, thanks a lot for some people that bad-mouthing me and spreading bad rumours about me, yeah someone doesn't like i got my own happiness. I felt like i'm just a fallen angel, that being praised by people before, after i fell to earth and my wings broken, they labeled me as a "devil"
but it doesn't affect me so much, because i'm too tired dealing with some people that doesn't know about me 100%
while being those fallen angel, i learned that there's always be a person that cared about you mostly and doesn't give any shit about what people said to you, and of them is the one and only, Bunny :)
turned out it's not cool enough for being a popular (no i'm not being over confident, but the fact said so) because wherever you're going, the public wants to know what you gonna do, or what kind of controversial things you'll do next, especially for a person like me that labeled as a jerk. Luckily she's the kind of person that wants to hear everything that popped on ny head. Just like from the previous post I've written. nobody ever looked me in the eye like that, and nobody hold my hand like she did. Anyhow, Everytime she holds my hands, and played my hair while i was busy doing another things, i felt the strangest feelings that i haven't felt for a long time. i liked it when she played my hair, when she was leaning over my shoulder, when she touched my face, when she looked me in the eyes, and when she told me that i had a beautiful eyes. And the way she hugged me, i felt something that makes my heart beating so fast (i thought the pain and too much smoking makes my heart stopped, but here it is) i don't know, i felt it too.  Everytime she walked across my table on the cafeteria. it's just something on her faces that made wanna see her again and again. and i was doing fine before, til i saw her eyes turned away from mine. Those girl are one in a Million (For me) and i guess i'm so lucky to get her on my side. she's just like a butterfly, pretty to see but hard to catch. That's the thing i really pursuit, cause man like me loved some challenge. One night, she hugged me so long and then whispered to my ear
"I love you"
and then she kissed me.
maybe it's simple, but it's an affections that makes a person like me, surrender on her. And it was a greatest moment I've ever had, cause i never felt that kind of action before. trust me, i was thinking about it almost everyda, and it's the first time, i really wanted to fight for someone. And how could i make all the people's that i loved, happy? i guess i should let myself happy first, isn't it? so i can spread the positives around the neighborhood. Thank you, for changing my life and make damn sure that my life makes me a human again, not a robot or an alien. I hope we go to a long journey between you and me, cause i'm just trying to find a nice place for You and I, I hope we're last for a time that we can't even predict. Because i'm too tired for looking, babe. And you made me stop and earned my freedom, because this is what i'm searching for my whole life :)
so, love me as though there were no tomorrow, bunny. And help me forget my sorrow, and i'll show you the world. and baby, please hold my hand Everytime i had a bad dreams, or a rough day.

PS : when you smiled, deep down my heart's beating so fast, and i can't take my eyes away from your face.

 -Your one and only Mr.Weirdo-

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Cold to see clear

                        Cold To See Clear
                            by : Tanoko Prawira

days by days has passed, they just don't end. without any sleep i roam around, ride alone, walked around on those lonesome road. maybe it's a curse, that i'm God's lonely man, and loneliness has followed me everywhere i go. especially since that incident that almost changed me completely. I used to think that i don't wanna getting involved onanother relationship or some kind of commitment again, i just want to be happy and got my own freedom. But sadly, it's not what i need....until I've met this girl. I remember the first time i saw her face and i don't know who is she. Surrounded by some people i knew, but she's mysterious. and it happened after some gig at my own campus. Since that day i was curious about her, but sadly some things made me i can't fed my
hunger of curiosity. And i remember one day, she's staring at me on the cafetaria, and i looked her too, and everyone on my table noticed that, but damn! i'm not ready yet to meet new person because i still have my own scars, so it's makes me more curious about her. Days by days, weeks by weeks, i was playing again on a gig on my campus. and it was a wonderful night for me, before the show, i walked to the cafetaria and sat with my whole band member and the manager, we're joking and do something silly, and then someone yells to me, told me that i've been mocked by some junior, looked back instantly, and it was was her that laughing at my jokes. which not all the people can laugh at my jokes. So i moved to her table, and then ask her name. And it's the first time i've talked to her. after that it was both strange and colorful, don't know what things i ate. but something on my mind told me to talk again with her. so i followed her instagram, and then chat her, i don't have any intention before to hit her, but, something miraculous happened, without any good reason i asked her LINE Id, and she's just gave that to me, so i chat her. Since that day we're become so close. I remember how those eyes looked me in the eyes, and nobody else can do that to me, I remember the time she's holding my bleeding hands that night, when everything so messed up. I remember the night we both talked about some random things that don't ended, becuase usually all people that talked to me got bored. I remember how her smile when she was laughing with all her friends. I remember those black hoodie when the first time we're staring at each other. i remember that banana milk when she's asked me which milk she should bought. and yet she's a butterfly, pretty to see but hard to catch and every girl should like that, instead of chasing me first, duhh i don't like that kind of girl. whenever i'm alone with her, she makes me feel like i'm whole again, free again, and FEEL again. really, since that major heartbreak and mental breakdown, i don't think i can be fall in love again, and thank God, i can fell in love again with her. Without any hesitation.  according to the title i wrote above, it's clear that sometimes being a cold person doesn't mean you're turned into something bad. no, being cold sometimes makes you see clearly, which one that still cared about you. thanks a lot for making me human again, and gave me some reason to fight against my life.

I love you, Bunny.

-Your one and only Mr.Weirdo- 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Eminence Front

                 The EminenceFront
                           by : Tanoko Prawira

Hey, it's me again writing for my own life story. It's been almost 5 months since that "liberation day" and I'm trying to be happy as i could, but sometimes there's still a things that haunt me. Just like Loneliness, loneliness has followed me into the road, bars, I'm damned and it looks like i got my own damnation by this loneliness. I knew I'm such a loner, kinda like being alone for some reason while everyone's so busy on the other places. But i can't do that for the rest of my life isn't it? maybe this is some kind of effect that occurred because what's that snake did to me. Another Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
my friends said that i shouldn't think about that too much, because it might kill me slowly, and i guess it's right, that moment when i felt so tired and angry by her terrorizing act (even she's not doing it personally) i bleed my hand by punching three layers of ceramics that i stole from park's bench on my campus. I hate myself for doing that, but really? how can somebody do a lot of bad things to me, even when i decided to leave her. is it all the things she does to me isn't enough for her? or she wants to makes me just another "target shooting" for her anger and disappointment of her last relationship that failed because she's got too much egoistic stuff on her. One day i burned all the stuff she gave to me (letters, memo, etc) that i knew it's just a bullshit words that she wrote to makes me feel safe hahaha. I put that on my own snap story on Instagram, and guess what? it's not even reached five minutes and she's already send me a message, you know just another terror message from her, i don't wanna run from her so i confronted her back, i ask her why, why she did all of those things that makes me angry, she can't even answer that question. How pathetic isn't it? and guess what she's don't even look at my snap story, it's their friends that keep gathering any information to her. so i got a mole, now it all make sense why i saw them "a lot" on the library, on the cafeteria, on the corridor, on the park, everywhere on the campus. Turned out they're spying on me. For fucking god sake, i never disturbing their life, but why they're doing that? i mean we're used to be friends but just because one person that doesn't have any brain anymore, they just doing that things. It's like my life now with my ex it's none of their business, thanks a lot for showed me that everything is full of shit, including all those person, A WHOLE GODDAMN GANG! so if you guys reading this, i hope all of you grown up. Because y'all acting like a 12 years old. Could you guys just kill me after all, besides making things more complicated by your own hands?

Anyhow, thank god there's still someone cared about me, no i don't wanna mention his/her name, but everything was different right now, you know? there's a lot of unexpected things that makes me happier than before and it's right, there will be a rainbow after heavy rain, the rainy day should be over, because those snakes doesn't terrorizing me anymore. and there's someone that makes me feel calm and i can be myself again whenever I'm alone with her, especially when I looked her in the eyes. I don't know why, but it was a black and white days before she came, you know i tried to fight those snakes terror even after the break up, and thank god, i passed it! and it's successfully made me as a cold person, my friends said i should be happier and cheerful, but still too much hatred and anger on me corrupted myself. it turned me into something darker. but she came without any plan, and it was one of an unexpected things i told you before. slowly she changed me back into the old me that likes to making fun of something and cheerful person. Thanks a lot for helping me through these hard times, you know? sometimes you got tired anyway by all of the things that happened on your life, even I'm tired for my band's business, I'm tired playing on stage, i'm tired do my rehearsal. but i knew one thing, it's not I'm tired because of my music stuff, but i just wanted the drama is over, the snakes can keep her mouth shut.  So i can live my own life happier than before. Because happiness is real, when you can share it to everyone else. And like I told you before, I'd rather die for something than live for nothing, so mark my words, i will not vanish and you will not scare me. No matter how hard you're gonna terrorizing me or spreading bad words and fake news about me, you're not gonna kill me. And look at now, looks who's scared to see me or hanging around on campus if all of your words are truths ?
And if i got closed to another girl, what kind of law she got to forbids me? what a schmuck isn't it?
Thank god my bands got a lot of work to do these days, thank god i still got my own third family, thank god I'm still alive by now.
but sadly my addiction to cigarettes doesn't decreasing very much :(
but i guess it's better than increasing, right? haha
see you guys on another post!

-The Man Who Sold The World-

Saturday, February 18, 2017

The Ace in the hole

                        THE ACE IN THE HOLE
                            by : Tanoko Prawira

it's clear that every man should have his own will, entitled by the sweat on his brow. Because a Man CHOOSE, and a Slave OBEYS really, how could someone held me in another prison state of mind, it's like something that killed my own character. and slowly changing my line. that's what happened for the past 6 months. in the beginning it was a colorful days, for sure. nothing to worry about, everything just fine, and there's only a smile from a young boy that licking his candy every noon'

But sadly, it's just about time, when everything was revealed, she's just revealed her true self and without any hesitation deep down she stabbed my back. I don't know why on earth she could did that to me. The moment when that incident happened, it was  really a stressful things. I was wrong and i was stupid back then, for giving her a second chance. Nah it's not stupid it's a kind thing giving someone any second chance, but really. how can a man stand tall when there's more than a second chance and still, there's no difference at all from herself. After that strange night that someone i really hate about came to me and talk to me like we're just an old pal, i smashed his face out, because i thought that he's the one that responsible that makes my relationship wrong. But, it's a totally wrong. days by days week by week has passed, i thought it's just will stop after that crappy incident that revealed what she's doing when i'm not around. Guess what? I discovered a lot of crazy facts about her, and yes it is there's a lot of secret as the time goes by, has been revealed, for example one month after that punch, she said that she wanna go to some kind of work with her friend, but she's not mentioned that she was working with the person I've smashed in his face, she told me when i saw his name on her phone, and you know what happened next? my friend gave me some picture that they're being together, sitting on a couch, watching some kind of video i don't know, and guess what? her hand was on his lap. I don't know what did i do wrong, but really, it sucks when you're trying to be a nice and loyal person, but everything you got just another traitorous act. turns out it's HER. that makes her own hell, it's HER that playing and do some victim blaming while the reality says that, she ain't the victim. one day i even saw the conversation between her and some boys, i knew who's the boy is. and they're used to be have an affair long time before she came to me, and you know what? it's just contained some kind of flirting and seductive talks for something they want. really? what did i do wrong to the other, or myself, til' i get this kind of nympho?

that moment i really wants to ditch her, and guess what, she doesn't wanted me to ditch her. she wants me to give her another chance, guess what? there's already 3 chances i gave to her, but still no difference at all, just another secret that i discovered later on. The fact that she's too overprotective about me. is busting my ball's too.
i was fell asleep, but she thought that i was hanging out with another girl. Really? i'm not her, if i wants to hanging out with another girl, i'll say it directly not secretly hanging out with another boy or maybe sleep with him too, yeah maybe i'm not accusing someone, it's purely some kind of speculation.

from that moment, it's a moment that changed my life forever, a young boy that licking his candy turned to be an adult's that smoking his cigarettes. I don't know, whoever turned me like this, please be aware that there's always a Karma for something like that. the point is, I'm a SUBJECT not an OBJECT. no one can told me how to live or how to act, or believe that she/he owns me, NOBODY. including her. just because she's nice and often to bought me something and gave me something, doesn't mean she owns me and can do everything she likes about me, because it's look like i'm just your Ace in the Hole, your secret weapon when people that you cared the most doesn't care about you anymore, you came to me hoping you'll find some affection that you need the most. It's like that from the beginning isn't it? you can't even completely erased your first Ex "kindness" that changed your life forever. but you don't want to be alone, so you came to me, but something's happened, you think that i'm one of your property. but no. i have my own freedom.

you're always asking me about why'd i "Dump" you, you said i was leave you behind. But really, you're the one that dump yourself from me, because of your ego and your attitude. Oh yeah if you think that i want to hit another girl, you're totally wrong, on some coincidence i was watching some gigs with my friends,but on the road i got left by my friends because he's too enthusiast about the gig, when i arrived there's nobody i knew, and my friend was missing, on the same coincidence, i met her, and she's looking for her cousin's too because there's too much crowd, so I asked her to accompanying me, and she does accompanying me because it's just a friend.  and you're not coming with me because you're attended your family gathering but you don't like it when i wanted to hanging out with my friends,  so i'm just go after all because they wanted me to come. oh yeah i got close with that girl since that gig as a friends, i don't have any intention to hit her, because we both the same kind of missing our "friends" in the crowd.And we spent that night til the music was over, and nothing happens after that.  and you know what? it doesn't makes me wants to hit another girl. And yes, i have my own rights for my own happiness.

best regards:

The Man Who Sold The World

Thursday, September 17, 2015


GO-JEK. Ancaman atau Penyelamat?
by : Tanoko Prawira

Belakangan ini sering kita lihat fenomena ojek yang bisa dipesan secara online entah itu Gojek ataupun Grabbike. Gak jarang juga kita lihat di berita sering ada tukang Gojek digebukin atau di intimidasi oleh tukang ojek pangkalan. Karena gue pribadi orangnya gak gampang percaya kalo gak liat buktinya langsung. Jadinya gue ngelakuin observasi di lapangan. Target operasi gue daerah sekitaran Kalibata yang notabene nya adalah "Red Zone" nya tukang gojek tapi sekaligus itu deket rumah gue. Jadi gue ngamatin di jam-jam sibuk, gue ngeliat tukang gojek lewat, ah gak diteriakin tuh, gak disetopin tuh jadi menurut gue berita yang beredar itu tapi sih pas gue liat di depan stasiun kalibata ada spanduk yang bertuliskan "GOJEK DILARANG CARI PENUMPANG DI SINI!! tertanda Ojek Pangkalan Stasiun Kalibata"

Pengamatan yang gue lakuin membuat gue makin penasaran. Jadi gue nyoba mesen gojek bareng temen gue tapi arah kita beda. Pas driver gue udah nyamperin gue, sebut aja namanya Mas Wahyudi. Gue pun melakukan beberapa wawancara singkat sambil ngobrol di Jalan. Gue bertanya ama dia apa emang bener kalo tukang gojek sering di intimidasi oleh ojek pangkalan.
"Ya saya sih gabisa nyalahin mereka mas karena mereka ada benernya juga, meskipun cara mereka itu salah ya ngelakuin tindakan anarkis kayak gitu" sahut Mas Wahyudi.
Gue pun bertanya lagi "emangnya kenapa mas? kalo saya kira sih mereka sirik gitu susah dapet pelanggan"
"Kalo saya lihat dari sudut pandang ojek pangkalan ya mas karna saya juga dulunya ojek pangkalan juga. Sebenernya mereka itu kesel apalagi gak semua tukang gojek mikirin itu mas, pasti kesel kan nunggu lama, tiba-tiba diserobot tukang Gojek, saya juga kesel sih kalo gitu"

Kata-kata Mas Wahyudi membuat gue tersadar kalo tukang ojek juga manusia. Mereka juga pengen ngerasainhidup sejahtera apalagi dengan munculnya tukang Gojek yang serba modern bikin mereka terancam akan eksistensi mereka. Lambat laun populasi ojek pangkalan bakalan keganti sama ojek yang modern. Dan itu yang mereka takutkan.
 Jadi kesimpulan yang bisa gue ambil dari hal ini adalah, kedua belah pihak salah. Satu dengan dengan peralatan modernnya terkadang tidak mempunyai sopan santun kepada sesamanya yang bisa dibilang "sesepuh" sementara dilain pihak, satu takut mereka bakal punah dan juga mereka gamau nyoba hal baru yang sebenernya lebih praktis dibandingkan cuman nunggu ber-jam-jam tanpa hasil yang pasti. Jadi bisa dibilang gojek ini adalah masa transisi, dimana gak semua hal yang dibikin  modern bakalan lancar-lancar aja.