Sunday, April 23, 2017

Eminence Front

                 The EminenceFront
                           by : Tanoko Prawira

Hey, it's me again writing for my own life story. It's been almost 5 months since that "liberation day" and I'm trying to be happy as i could, but sometimes there's still a things that haunt me. Just like Loneliness, loneliness has followed me into the road, bars, I'm damned and it looks like i got my own damnation by this loneliness. I knew I'm such a loner, kinda like being alone for some reason while everyone's so busy on the other places. But i can't do that for the rest of my life isn't it? maybe this is some kind of effect that occurred because what's that snake did to me. Another Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
my friends said that i shouldn't think about that too much, because it might kill me slowly, and i guess it's right, that moment when i felt so tired and angry by her terrorizing act (even she's not doing it personally) i bleed my hand by punching three layers of ceramics that i stole from park's bench on my campus. I hate myself for doing that, but really? how can somebody do a lot of bad things to me, even when i decided to leave her. is it all the things she does to me isn't enough for her? or she wants to makes me just another "target shooting" for her anger and disappointment of her last relationship that failed because she's got too much egoistic stuff on her. One day i burned all the stuff she gave to me (letters, memo, etc) that i knew it's just a bullshit words that she wrote to makes me feel safe hahaha. I put that on my own snap story on Instagram, and guess what? it's not even reached five minutes and she's already send me a message, you know just another terror message from her, i don't wanna run from her so i confronted her back, i ask her why, why she did all of those things that makes me angry, she can't even answer that question. How pathetic isn't it? and guess what she's don't even look at my snap story, it's their friends that keep gathering any information to her. so i got a mole, now it all make sense why i saw them "a lot" on the library, on the cafeteria, on the corridor, on the park, everywhere on the campus. Turned out they're spying on me. For fucking god sake, i never disturbing their life, but why they're doing that? i mean we're used to be friends but just because one person that doesn't have any brain anymore, they just doing that things. It's like my life now with my ex it's none of their business, thanks a lot for showed me that everything is full of shit, including all those person, A WHOLE GODDAMN GANG! so if you guys reading this, i hope all of you grown up. Because y'all acting like a 12 years old. Could you guys just kill me after all, besides making things more complicated by your own hands?

Anyhow, thank god there's still someone cared about me, no i don't wanna mention his/her name, but everything was different right now, you know? there's a lot of unexpected things that makes me happier than before and it's right, there will be a rainbow after heavy rain, the rainy day should be over, because those snakes doesn't terrorizing me anymore. and there's someone that makes me feel calm and i can be myself again whenever I'm alone with her, especially when I looked her in the eyes. I don't know why, but it was a black and white days before she came, you know i tried to fight those snakes terror even after the break up, and thank god, i passed it! and it's successfully made me as a cold person, my friends said i should be happier and cheerful, but still too much hatred and anger on me corrupted myself. it turned me into something darker. but she came without any plan, and it was one of an unexpected things i told you before. slowly she changed me back into the old me that likes to making fun of something and cheerful person. Thanks a lot for helping me through these hard times, you know? sometimes you got tired anyway by all of the things that happened on your life, even I'm tired for my band's business, I'm tired playing on stage, i'm tired do my rehearsal. but i knew one thing, it's not I'm tired because of my music stuff, but i just wanted the drama is over, the snakes can keep her mouth shut.  So i can live my own life happier than before. Because happiness is real, when you can share it to everyone else. And like I told you before, I'd rather die for something than live for nothing, so mark my words, i will not vanish and you will not scare me. No matter how hard you're gonna terrorizing me or spreading bad words and fake news about me, you're not gonna kill me. And look at now, looks who's scared to see me or hanging around on campus if all of your words are truths ?
And if i got closed to another girl, what kind of law she got to forbids me? what a schmuck isn't it?
Thank god my bands got a lot of work to do these days, thank god i still got my own third family, thank god I'm still alive by now.
but sadly my addiction to cigarettes doesn't decreasing very much :(
but i guess it's better than increasing, right? haha
see you guys on another post!

-The Man Who Sold The World-

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